


the Secret Memoirs of a Shinobi

by the17thmuse



Series: Hatake Agricultural Adventures [11]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Embarrassment, F/M, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21624433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the17thmuse/pseuds/the17thmuse
Summary: Sakumo reads Danzo's Diary(Yeah, you read that right.)
Relationships: Hatake Sakumo & Shimura Danzou, Shimura Danzou/Original Character(s), onesided Hatake Sakumo/Uchiha Obito's Father
Series: Hatake Agricultural Adventures [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1487342
Comments: 9
Kudos: 32





	the Secret Memoirs of a Shinobi

**Author's Note:**

  * For [drelfina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/drelfina/gifts), [KeanBlade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeanBlade/gifts).



> For drelfina because of something you said that spawned this in the first place. I cannot remember what, but this is mostly your fault. Somehow. (Also, I'm sorry, but still no direct mushroom action. Mushrooms still get an honorary mention, though.)  
> And for Keanblade because of a particular sentence in this that was directly inspired by the idea and the comment thread in Kindling chapter 7.
> 
> Set sometime after Sakumo learns about the non-Hatake half of his parentage in his early teens and many years before the Second Shinobi War.
> 
> (Please read the previous works in the series, specifically "Let Me Tell You a Story About a Pretty Samurai" and "The Mirror that Fulfills Wishes", for any of this to make sense.)

Sakumo had known Madara Uchiha for a long time, since he was a toddler, really. But he hadn't really _known_ the man. To him, he had always been Dara-sama, then the Nidaime, originally visiting him for reasons he never really knew about beyond the man taking a liking to him, then due to the man perhaps seeing a kindred spirit in him or something like that, then seeing him as a son-figure of sorts. 

But to think that he was actually the man's son-by-blood...somehow made sense in hindsight. He just wished he had more time to spend with him (a regret that will haunt him many years later). To ask questions, mainly. He has many questions as to how he ended up with his other father, what their relationship was like (when everyone else seemed to think they were just friends), those sorts of things and maybe other father-son things too, things without the buffer of one being the Nidaime and the other being a subordinate shinobi.

It was both a blessing and a curse that Daizu forbid him from asking the man in a straightforward manner. (He felt that the clan head was a little too protective of him at times that it felt a bit obsessive. But then Kagami-sensei, who'd apparently been in on the secret since the beginning, had actually been worse when he was alive. Or so Nasu told him with great amusement.)

Asking around Team Tobirama as a group had been out of the question too (when he had wanted to learn more about Tobirama Senju). Sarutobi-san certainly seemed sentimental enough to regale him with many stories of his sensei, but Utatane-san and Homura-san had been a little too sharp and he'd been forbidden from asking them. And since the only other people he could ask more about Madara-sama happened to be the remaining members of Team Madara and the Uchiha clan, he found himself in a bit of a bind.

Sakumo didn't know how, but Nasu somehow found out about his little corundum and decided to do something about it. (This is also why Nasu is his favorite relative. He just wished the fact didn't prove to be such a double-edged sword at times, and the horrid payback always happened much, much later.)

He didn't really know what they told Danzo-sensei, but one day, the man known to most as the Shadow of Shinobi handed him a large collection of journals, saying, "These were written during all my years during the academy under Tobirama Senju then as the student of Madara Uchiha. For you to know more about them."

(And really, how could people call the man the most spiteful, warmongering and cruel of shinobi when he does things like this? They must really be lacking in observational skills.)

"My position does not grant me plenty of free time to indulge your curiosity, my little student, but you are free to ask my surviving teammate, Torifu Akimichi if you have more questions." Danzo gave a smirk and patted him on the head like a puppy, the very same way Kagami-sensei used to do that a much younger Sakumo used to hate but now tolerated...mostly. 

"Just be careful not to let him stuff you with too much food when you visit," was his parting warning before leaving in a flurry of autumn-colored robes. No shunshin, but still a dramatic yet non-flashy exit. (He'd definitely been spending a lot of time with Nasu.)

Sakumo spent the next few days in wonder, because Danzo wrote down everything, his attention to every single detail in his recollections nearly perfect. Sakumo greedily ate it all up, his time in the academy under the tutelage of Tobirama Senju, the beginning days of Danzo, Kagami and Torifu as Madara Uchiha's genin team and all their shenanigans in and out of missions, of the deep brotherhood between the Shodaime and the Nidaime, and of the really strange and easy bond the Uchiha had with the White Oni. 

Then next few days after _that_ he spent in a mix of regret, dismay and embarrassment, because his sensei apparently writes down _everything_. And when he meant everything, he meant EVERYTHING, embarrassing details from childhood to puberty and extremely detailed forays into romantic relationships included. 

From his breakfast ritual of the day, to that detail of dirt pattern on Kagami's face after a spar with their sensei sent him kissing the ground, to the strange not-language of long silent looks and gestures between Tobirama and Madara (Danzo still hasn't cracked the code on that one, and he had Kagami helping him for _years_ ), to wax-poetic descriptions of their sparring partner Nasu as they performed— _oh Kami no, the images, the most traumatizing of IMAGES are permanently seared in his brain now, why, Kami have mercy. Every surface in the Hokage's office, really? Ceilings included? And silk scarves and feathers? Peaches and bean paste? And a tub of mustard? Seriously? Where are the good amnesia drugs when you need them_ —

And that should have stopped the Hatake's forays into Danzo's diaries. Maybe risking exposing his parentage and possibly putting the Hatake in jeopardy and accidentally restarting the Senju-Uchiha feud would be worth it and—nope. He can't do it. Daizu will kill him. And Nasu...will be disappointed. _Damn it._ Sakumo took a deep breath, and dove back into the journals of intrigue and iniquity, confident that at least no one else will know about this.

#

Seikan Senju was just finishing up a solo D-rank, Tora number three— _or was it four? or five? seven? Why did the Daimyo's wife give all her hellspawn cats the exact same name every damn time?!_ —finally calmed with a sprig of catnip and perched securely atop his head when he caught sight of a familiar figure, semi-curled in a shy, self-conscious posture, with silver-white hair tied securely into a long cascading tail (it's so long a huge selection of women and men are actually jealous) and a brightly colored book (which he'd been seeing a lot of lately) in the shinobi's hands.

"Uh...Sakumo, are you alright?" Seikan inquired his teammate, who was looking rather beet-faced. "You've been acting a bit weird for days since you started reading those books. And really, what's so special about that thing anyway?" 

Silence.

"Hey! Are you even listening to me?" 

The Senju frowned, waving a hand over Sakumo's frankly queasy and horrified expression, but there was still no reaction from the prodigy. It's so out of character of him. A few more minutes of fruitless attention-calling (because if Seikan is a professional at anything, it's at taking other people's attentions) the Hatake's teammate was finally fed up.

"Give me that," Seikan went over his much shorter friend's shoulder and snagged the book, to the Sakumo's protest of "Hey!", and he took a peek at the open page and scanned a passage aloud. "Hhm...lovely columns of ivory flesh, soft as a milk calf...dancing sprite of summer...frost sparkling under the soft morning light...romantic _blahblahblah._.." Sakumo's teammate paused at "the torturous wet heat around my throbbing... flesh." 

Flipped through a few more passages of what can only be described as some really descriptive hardcore sex. Then he snapped the book closed and blinked. Took a long hard (and slightly disbelieving) look at Sakumo then back at the book and blinked again.

#

Sakumo wanted to disappear. He'd been so preoccupied Seikan had seen him and hadn't overreacted. Leave it to the dead-last to be calm in the face of shame. The Senju's confidence and thick skin in the face of rejection, scorn and ridicule had been one of the largest reasons behind Sakumo's childhood (and teenage years, and he still sort-of has a bit of a) crush on him. (That, and he's a lot more fashion-tasteful and social-savvy than Dai, though they're both just as ridiculous.)

"My really studious and prodigious teammate who I admire very much," Seikan began, and Sakumo had to sneak a quick look because _Seikan admires him?!_ "Why are you reading porn? And the really flowery romantic kind at that? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Itsnotporn," the Hatake mumbled. "And the correct term would be erotica." ( _Kami_ , his teammate thought he was reading _porn_ , of all things. Where's a convenient hole to crawl under and die in when he needs it?)

"What?"

Sakumo groaned in defeat, then repeated what he said, only much clearer. "It's not a porn. Danzo-sensei wrote it." He took another peek at his teammate, and yup, there it is. That "my brain just broke" eye-twitch.

Seikan looked mind-blown, like the entire universe had upended and vomited rainbows and singing kunai all over the place. The Senju performed a short genjutsu dissipation technique (because someone—a foreign shinobi Sakumo had dosed with hallucinogenic mushrooms that one time—had put him under a genjutsu exactly like that one once, naked dancing Warring States Era shinobi clad only in strategically-placed mist clouds included. Oh, and they were on fire too. That had been one really weird and eventful chunin exam.) 

And when nothing happened, Seikan was forced to confront the reality that this is real and not a genjutsu-induced hallucination and continued with, "So...Danzo-sensei...moonlights as a porn-writer?"

"No!" the Hatake denied hotly, cheeks burning and voice really small. "He doesn't write porn. It's his diary. He just lent me some to read stuff about my Tousan. He's just...really thorough and...fancy in describing...everything."

Then it was Seikan's turn to blush, murmuring. "Everything. He writes _everything_ like this? I wonder if sensei's mission reports are as...thorough as this. The shinobi working in Administration must be having a good time reading his missives." The Senju gave the journal a second wary glance. " A very, _very_ good time."

Why did Sakumo ever liked him again? ( _Oh, yeah. Exactly because of this, sadly._ )

But his teammate was on a roll now, connection after connection coming to his brain like the endless series of dumb and crazy but workable plans he still occasionally suggests during mission sitreps. "But I get it. It all makes sense. This must be the _real_ reason they call Shimura-sensei the Shadow of Shinobi. It's because he knows what lies within a shinobi's heart. He has a bird's eye view on all our darkest, deepest, and kinkiest desires!" came the Senju's epiphany.

"Ugh, Seikan, please. Shut up." (Can Sakumo get struck and killed by lightning now? Please, _Kami?_ )

"No! The truth cannot be denied," his teammate shot a hand, the very one holding Danzo-sensei's most private thoughts, to the heavens with a lot more force than what was necessary and he overbalanced. Tora number whatever slipped and panicked and clung to the Senju with all the power of an agitated cat.

"Ouch! Stupid cat, that hurts. Stop it! Yow-weech-ow ow ow ow..." Seikan struggled with the yowling ball of fur and claws, whirling and pivoting frantically as he tried to remove it from his face. Tora screeched in distress and clung harder, yowling. Seikan screamed back. And back and forth they went.

And Sakumo watched with bated breath as the journal slipped through the Senju's sweaty hands and flew up beyond the tree canopy. Up into the air. Somewhere. 

Leaves and broken twigs fell around them.

"Oops," Seikan said, Tora meowing pitifully from the side of his head.

"Oops," Sakumo repeated softly, as if from far away, and his hands shook.

Then, he punched the Senju in the face.

**Author's Note:**

> Sakumo, dear, I'm pretty sure a 'crush' that survived childhood and teenage hormones up to adulthood isn't just a crush. Ah well, what Seikan doesn't know won't hurt him.
> 
>  **Roster:**  
>  Seikan (space between stars) [星間] - Obito's non-Uchiha parent and Sakumo's teammate  
> Daizu (soybean) [大豆] - the Hatake shinobi clan head at the time of the First Shinobi War  
> Nasu (eggplant) [茄子] - a Hatake shinobi who is teammates with Yosa Aburame and Shinsui Uchiha  
> 


End file.
